Carrie Bradshaw

Sometimes my ways of thinking are, well out there. I think too much, over analyze and always seem to find to worst case in everything. When I'm not thinking like that, I'm day dreaming. Always, will I forever be a dreamer.

So follow me for a moment while I join reality and fantasy. Trust me, you will like this one.

Carrie Bradshaw. I bet you thought of shoes, sex, and friends huh??
      

I've recently been catching old episodes of Sex and the City and as usual my mind wondered, yet really it wondered and circled right back to the connection of reality. Meaning, I think Miss Carrie, you may be on to something.

Clothes, o man the clothes. I could fantasize all day about Carrie's endless, bottomless back of closetless wardrobe. but really when you dissect this even further, I think she is on to something I may have been over looking.

I have always struggled with and even more since having a baby, is my style. I enjoy fashion and looking trending but what most of my arguments between myself and the mirror come down to are my own body image. Its always been a feud with myself over being perfect, I know I am far from it and no one is to blame. My mind like usual wonders to being thin. Yet in this day and age I have so many loved ones whom I have watched struggle with losing weight, and on the opposite side of the subject I have had just as many loved ones struggle with gaining weight. I know I need to read my own stuff but who's to say that weight defines us? But it can easily consume one's whole being and thoughts. Good or bad. As I am trying this whole lets better myself thing my weight of course is always in the front of my mind. A friend of mine once quoted me, " if I were to lose 10 more lbs I feel as if I would have more friends". I am going to take her quote and twist it to how my mind twisted it when she said it. "If I were to lose 10 more lbs, I wouldn't feel as stressed, or left out, or different when I act myself." I hate that our world has come to this in almost every girls mind.

So you may be thinking where did the Carrie Bradshaw go? I told you my mind, it wanders, bear with me.

I of course am a pinterest addict. I pin all the time, clothes, skinny people, food, baby things, and my favorite: quotes.

I was reskimming my pinterest boards the other day and ran across this beauty.

Now I am fully aware that Miss Carrie may or may not have said this. Lets just pretend the internet is not a weird, untrustworthy place and pretend she did.

I know she is thin, and pretty and has an endless closet. But its the way she dresses, that strikes this quote so true. In the show, she dresses how she wants when she wants. She could be extremely over dressed or look slightly homeless and yet everyone seems to go about their business because, thats Carrie, and she loves herself.  So yes. The improving me, thin or a little plump, or always watching my weight is going to no matter what I look like, try to love myself first. Because I truly believe when you love yourself, everything else in life seems to be happier. I think everyone could use more happiness right? So yes, have fun, shop, buy new clothes, or get a trendy haircut, but while your trying to fit in, only do so if you really love it, and you really love yourself while doing it.
 

end rant.

and yes I still want SJP legs and outfit, or body in the outfit.

Back again.

hello.




did you miss me?




I know I know.



I'm not even going to apologize for not being here. I had my reasons and that's that, but thanks to a good friend, I've been encouraged to try again. But this time. I'm just going to be me. Not that I wasn't before but I tended to blog about the things I thought people would want me to blog about, not that I didn't enjoy blogging about those things but they weren't really what was up.








So here's to a new start. Most likely I will not follow up on how things went or events or milestones on my child in order. I am just going to be much like the real me. All over the place. So....










All aboard the hot mess express. WHOOT WHOOT.


                                                                Welcome back to my world.












Let me try to recap a little.








Tripp is now 21 months? (yes I had to count.) I usually just say he will be 2 in September.








I left my job in November, and just cut hair 2 days week.








Adjusting to staying at home has reopened some old personal wounds of mine but I am slowly working through them, although I would rather cover them up, talking about them has helped in more ways than one.








Farmer and I are still married, and doing the married thing yet adjusting still to me being home.










Staying at home is a great blessing though I struggle to see that sometimes.
I miss being social during the week, but I love and cherish my time with my little one.










Tripp is a hoot. I laugh all the time at him. Farmer is way more fun with him too now that's he's a little older.










I tried to garden, the best thing I have grown is radishes and grass. My tomatoes are still up to debate and my beans and cantaloupe seeds got mixed so that's a hot mess. I am on my second round of peppers and cucumbers because the first ones just plain didn't grow and the new ones aren't looking so hot. (pepper pun intended)  but that grass.... o ya I nailed it!








I've watched over the past year or so, loved ones: get married, get pregnant, try to make babies, fall in love, become bitter, lose contact, get skinny, gain weight, start dating, become jealous, become even more fake, become distant, and reconnect. Basically this past year has been a whirlwind of emotions and I am going to blame age and the natural process in which growing up has become.










A few weekends ago I took a long journey by myself, as Farmer was stuck at home working, and my mom and Farmer watched the little,  to celebrate a good friend's wedding. I had plenty of time to do some thinking and lot of great catch up conversations that led to a good conclusion.


People change and grow, and that's ok.


Its ok to not agree with everyone and everything. Its ok to be a little different.


But most importantly, hence the blogging again. I was told I am honest, and I appreciated that.


Being honest means to have honest people in you life too. I want to be real, honest, and up front about all my life experiences, and share them with people, because even though we don't think it or want to admit it, most likely your loved ones or those who you care for, are going through, have been through, or know exactly what your talking about.




Why do we have to have this picture in our heads ( I think small towns make it worse) that we have to be The Brady Bunch, or The Walton's, or The Cleaver's. We may strive for that but instead we've become The Stepford Wives, in having to know everyone and everything that's going on. I am not saying from here on out I am going to 180 it and be different, because yes I enjoy local conversations, and shopping and fashion and fun things but I am just saying I am going to strive to still do the things  I enjoy, the way I want to.



So here I am.


Same me just more real. Raw and honest.


Thank you dear friends for opening my mind to writing again. I've missed it.

8 month recap

8 Months?? Has it really been 8 months since I last blogged??
 I should just skip the apologizing and start blogging huh?

Well I left you with the cliff hanger of "We're Pregnant!"

Soo let me recap the last 8month for you!!!

Hottest summer ever, and pregnant, you get the picture.

9 days overdue, ridiculous.

26 hours+ of induced labor (wasn't painful) progressed 1/2 a cm in that whole time, and ended up in a c-section.


September 27, 2012 7:22pm
7lbs 8oz 21 inches of dark headed joy entered Farmer and I's world.






                                  TRIPP J

Learned his personality quickly, doesn't like naps,

 loves to be held, 

has a temper &

 a strong willed persona.

I really did want to pull my hair out at times

 but realized motherhood isn't always

 what you see on TV,

 but o so worth it.

Farmer melts my heart,  

& I once again fell in LOVE all over with him, 

but in a much different way.

Farmer learns baby talk and daddy duties

Looks like his daddy, 

eyes like his mommy

Baby Carpenter jeans and  button downs are our new favorites,

 but PJs and snuggles all day rock!

Bridesmaid in good friend Tiff's wedding,

just over 2 weeks after Tripp being born.

                                                     New Nephew Born. Oliver Lee

Mom goes back to work part time. Tripp goes to sister in laws for daycare!

 Holidays were wayyyy different with a baby, but too fun!

Halloween

Thanksgiving

Christmas

Best Buddy & brother got engaged, but not to each other, that's weird.

 Tripp loves to sit up and stand, with help of course.

Discovered his vocal cords and feet.

Has the best 

deep down belly

  baby giggle 

ever!

I never thought I could have the room in my heart for all the love that I have now.

HIS PLAN

Sometimes, things don't go as you plan but as HE plans.
Farmer and I couldn't be more excited and thrilled about our up and coming new addition to our family. Around September 18th we will become a family of 3.
Here's how we found out.

On the evening of  January 13th, yes Friday the 13th. I sat impatiently awaiting, what I thought would be negative results on that infamous stick in the bathroom. It sat on the edge of the tub, and I next to it just thinking. "it's negative, calm down, why do you get so worked up every time." "it will be ok if its positive, you can take that vacation later." "I  don't even have my student loans paid off yet"

Then it happened. That blinking, flashing hourglass stopped.
"Pregnant"
Plain as day.
I shook it.
Nope this can't be happening.
O MY GOSH.
:D
:S
HOLY CRAAAAPP
>insert *uncontrollable shaking*
*tears*
*more tears*
*slight hyperventilation*

I called Farmer
Told him I took a test, and he said "o? well it will be ok!"
I hung up on him.

He arrived home later and we began to wrap our heads around the idea of having a baby. We were both excited once the shock went away.

Its not that we weren't excited at first, just surprised.
 At the very moment when you take that test knowing you haven't really been expecting to take one any time soon, or within the next 6 months, it can be a bit shocking. Once we both wrapped our heads around the idea of having a baby, we were both excited and decided that we would much rather it come as a surprise then have to try and be disappointed, and we thanked God for giving us this amazing blessing.

So as almost 24 long weeks later have past, we are both extremely excited 

Farmer is smitten with pride and excitement. I am right there with him
We have just finished the construction on the rooms upstairs and our little cowpoke will have it made!

I can't believe the emotional roller coaster the past few months have been, but at the end of the day, I know that Farmer and I will be great parents. Farmer is going to be one of the best fathers I can ever imagine. He melts my heart the way he looks at kids now. He is learning an awful lot through this whole experience and as always has manage to keep me laughing and light hearted about the things I want to panic about. His questions are so hysterical when it comes to the needs of a baby and the way he thinks it is going to work out.

I can not wait to start our new adventure as parents. For now it is on to decorating and rearranging the baby's room & house a 1000 times until it seems just right! :)

Please ignore the random video of a father and son. I was going for the song only :)

Don't miss your life.

Two post in one day? I know what your thinking, sorry I am horrible at keeping up on this but the last post and this one are two very different things and I didn't want to spoil it by adding this random one on to it!

Anyway. New favorite song, Don't miss your life, by Phil Vasser I cried.
 You probably will too. Enjoy!

Muchness

There came a point somewhere in my life when I woke up one day and I felt as if something was missing. It wasn't until I was out of my funk, happily married, and saw Alice in Wonderland when I found the perfect way of describing what I felt I had lost in those darker days of my life. My Muchness. yes Muchness.
 I felt as if I was just living day in and day out. And some days I still feel that way. I had felt as if I had lost my spunk, I had been so emotionally numbed to things that life didn't seem as mysterious or fun as it was before.
 I met Farmer and that funk seemed to go away. I slowly found myself and what I enjoyed doing again. Farmer and I recently purchased a store. A shop more so. I work full time at the eye clinic then enjoy my hair doing on the side, and my mom and I are slowing opening the front part with all sorts of trinkets and things that make people happy. I love to shop at small town stores and browse.

I named my store Muchness, because I felt at a point in my life I had lost it, and with my store and my life now, I feel I have found it again. Muchness. Muchness. Muchness. People tease at the name and think its silly, but when you dissect Alice and Wonderland there are so many good to live by quotes in that movie, that Muchness finally filled that empty spot I so desperately wanted to have a title to.

 I lost who I was and what I wanted in life and my happiness, and now I have found it again. My Muchness, I hope to never lose it again.

Soo I haven't been on here in a long time. I will admit with the busy fall, holidays, and starting the new job I haven't really found time to do this often! I promise to update you soon with an amazing blog. :) Hope everyone has been doing great. Life on our farm has been busy, obviously. The new job is great and we bought a shop and remodeled it so I am now doing some hair on the side! That's all I have time to update you on for now!! Check ya later!