Raising apes

Tonight I needed a bit of me time, which I usually try to take. I usually jog my 2 miles on the treadmill while watching some part of a cheesy chick flick and go back down stairs when I'm done, 30 mins tops with putting on my shoes, and finishing whatever scene I'm in the middle of, well tonight I logged on and thought I'd take just a bit longer and entice you with my thoughts tonight on a toddler.


I said out loud while pulling my whaling child from the stairs tonight that "its like raising a primate". I am sure, mother apes, when you see them in the zoo just sitting there with these baby monkeys all over them and looking like they'd let themselves go with their messy hair and pop bellies sticking out that this is how they feel.
Tonight I felt like mother ape. My child woke up at 12:15am yup didn't even make it a full 3 hours of sleep, he tossed and turned in our bed then slept on the floor on his mattress for a bit then repeated the process, finally my husband in a very awake voice, after thinking he was dead asleep, said he'd take him downstairs. Praise God. Apparently he fell right back asleep and they slept on the couch/floor in the living room. When I woke up this morning the little woke up too and proceeded to be extrememly attached to dada until he left. Which started the day in tears, because he realized he wasn't going to be joining dada on today's endevours. Instead he went with mom to watch the cheerleaders at cheer camp.
That envolved chasing him all over and attemping not to be a distraction, which led me to be a hot mess. I then did my errands left early at noon, and headed home. He slept a little on the way home, which led to him waking up in the middle of the rest of my errands. I tried to get him to nap at home later and nothing, so I headed out with mister to mow the lawn before it rained and we headed to the fair. Of course he fell asleep on me like a limp noodle and I had to ride mow the whole lawn with 1 arm. When he woke I had to pry him from the fourwheeler and drag him inside to finish getting things ready for the fair, which led to about a 45 min cry session. Then I started supper thinking he was starving he took 2 bites and called it good. Farmer got home, ate, then took the little on a fourwheeler ride. He came back and was wound up and clingy. Gave him a bath, wrestled a greased hog   him to put his diaper and jammies on. Then I told Farmer to lock me in upstairs and Id be back when the child was asleep.


More than ever I'm looking forward to the fair, I am sure, (I'm most likely just jinxing myself =by saying this) he will be entertained by everything going on and will have time to run and play to wear him out.
So tonight I leave you with some pictures from (mom of the year award) eh, 4 months or so ago to try to remind myself that 2 can't last forever and he will never be this little again.

      

ISF.....

I think in another life I was a circus performer, ya know one of those really slim pretty girls who fly in the air? I would have loved the circus. Circus' remind me of fairs and there is no greater fair than the King of all fairs, the Iowa State Fair!


I am 25 and this year will be my 26th fair! I have never and I repeat never, unless my parents decide to ruin my life and tell me they didn't take me when I was 3 or something absurd like that, missed a state fair in my entire life!!


I get so excited! For my whole life and most of theirs my aunt and grandpa have pulled their campers to the same spot and camped at the fair! Don't like the fair? Are you thinking, I could see it all in one day?? Then you have never actually experienced and embraced the fair in all its Iowa pride, agriculture loving, corndog eating, wife calling joys that it really has to offer. The fair is 11 days of fun, and the only way in my opinion to experience it is to camp at the fair! I mean what is the fair without a shuttle ride or late night walk back to the campers and waking up each morning to the holler of " Paaaappper get yur papppper!!" and  to chat with your fair neighbors who you've known your entire life? And what's the state fair without running to the other side of the bathrooms at the first sound of the boom of the after concert fireworks?? What about having a place to rest during the heat of the day and eat a cold lunchmeat sandwich until the crowd dies down? A place to relax and watch the concert goes pass by at night only to laugh at them when they've walked around the corner?? A place to see all your family truly relax and just have fun? The fair would be a place a I would choose to retire to if it was a year long event. 11 days may seem long for a fair but to me, I just can't get enough!
When I was younger I would bring friends to the fair, they would tend to get bored and just want to ride rides. Don't get me wrong I loved that! But we had fair rules and one was, one ride a day, and at night we would all pick a treat to get as a family and share! I love just going to the different shows, seeing the things to buy, watching the livestock, watching the people, (which can sometimes be confused as the livestock), the smells of turkey legs, popcorn, and corndogs. The sights of the fairgrounds lit up at night and the rides going, and the peacefulness of the campgrounds in the evening once your away from the crowds. The sounds of the concerts, the squeals of the kids going down the big slide, and the tap shoes on the Bill Riley Stage! The photographs, the doll houses, the butter cow, the chainsaw carvings, the super bull, the big boar. O and the food!! Corndogs, pickle dogs, bucket of cookies, nitro ice cream, dairy barn cookie dough ice cream, ribbon fries. I could seriously go on and on! I can't get enough!! I especially can't wait to share the whole love of the fair with my little!!


ISF 2014 look out because we are ready and a coming for ya!!! Give it a chance I promise you will love it!!


Its only Tuesday and I head to the fair Friday, I wake up each day hoping its Friday!! I can't sleep at night because I'm dreaming of the State fair!

Fashion Crave.

As it's been unusually cool this week in Iowa, in September, I mean July. I have of course gotten bit by the fashion bug. I fully believe I would not ever, (read as only sometimes), get the urge to shop, if it weren't for our changing of seasons. My newest crave? Fall clothes, read as fringe boots.

 
Just call me Pocahontas because I'm going tracking for some fringe boots!! AHIAHAIHIA (Indian call?) The Farmer nicknamed me Pocahontas when moccasins were very popular. Farmer funnies I guess.
And the new attitude me won't care what people think. Why? Because I'm going to sport these with confidence! I'm obsessed!! Hook a sista up!!


Also note: Kourtney Kardashian I'll try to get to that guilty pleasure when my toddler is not trying to escape.

Toddlers.

As I've been getting a lot of feedback on my comeback of blogging. I feel some people may have missed the intentions of my first one.
so.
Disclaimer: I am not by any means blogging again to start wars, drama, call people out, or to light the fuse to a ticking time bomb of internal anger and start blogging or social media , behind your back wars. I am strictly blogging because it's an outlet. An outlet for me. To vent, to just be honest and raw. I think in everyone's lives comes a life changing moment, I believe I have had mine and I am hear to turn my extra thoughts and energy into hopefully words of fun, laughs, encouragement, your not alone, its ok to feel that way in hopes of helping or making someone see the light.
end disclaimer.




My frustration this week.
My toddler.


I used to chuckle at the lady or parents in the store or anywhere who's child was misbehaving, laying on the ground, or sprinting 10 yards in from the them while they frantically try to put things back on the shelves in a hot sweaty mess. I have 4 words for my former thoughts.
I. TAKE. IT. BACK
I have on occasion become that parent. I believe and have been told my parenting ways so far have been good. He seems to behave most of the time but as we creep closer and closer to age 2. I feel my parenting confidence going out the door. I know now that most of the time when I used to see those parents that it's not their parenting, its most likely the age of the child. Did you read that correctly? The AGE of the child, not the CHILD. I have been told to just keep going and HE will grow out of it. HE did you read that correctly. I am also saying that I believe some of my little's behavior is fully the fact that he's his fathers son. Quite literally he's a boy. He's full of energy, bull headed and independent. I hope and pray he grows out of this quickly. It's not bad all of the time but it is getting hard to remember and see the good times, when you feel like a hot mess all of time. I'm sure from the outside people think he's just fine and just energetic, all the while I am chasing, and trying to look like a put together mom who teachers manners all the time. I try I really do, but sometimes I feel its a losing battle and when he's a little older something will snap and he will walk nicely and upright while holding my hand, he will not hit when frustrated and will not scream randomly.
until then I think I will buy stock in band aides, earplugs, and coffee.

Carrie Bradshaw

Sometimes my ways of thinking are, well out there. I think too much, over analyze and always seem to find to worst case in everything. When I'm not thinking like that, I'm day dreaming. Always, will I forever be a dreamer.

So follow me for a moment while I join reality and fantasy. Trust me, you will like this one.

Carrie Bradshaw. I bet you thought of shoes, sex, and friends huh??
      

I've recently been catching old episodes of Sex and the City and as usual my mind wondered, yet really it wondered and circled right back to the connection of reality. Meaning, I think Miss Carrie, you may be on to something.

Clothes, o man the clothes. I could fantasize all day about Carrie's endless, bottomless back of closetless wardrobe. but really when you dissect this even further, I think she is on to something I may have been over looking.

I have always struggled with and even more since having a baby, is my style. I enjoy fashion and looking trending but what most of my arguments between myself and the mirror come down to are my own body image. Its always been a feud with myself over being perfect, I know I am far from it and no one is to blame. My mind like usual wonders to being thin. Yet in this day and age I have so many loved ones whom I have watched struggle with losing weight, and on the opposite side of the subject I have had just as many loved ones struggle with gaining weight. I know I need to read my own stuff but who's to say that weight defines us? But it can easily consume one's whole being and thoughts. Good or bad. As I am trying this whole lets better myself thing my weight of course is always in the front of my mind. A friend of mine once quoted me, " if I were to lose 10 more lbs I feel as if I would have more friends". I am going to take her quote and twist it to how my mind twisted it when she said it. "If I were to lose 10 more lbs, I wouldn't feel as stressed, or left out, or different when I act myself." I hate that our world has come to this in almost every girls mind.

So you may be thinking where did the Carrie Bradshaw go? I told you my mind, it wanders, bear with me.

I of course am a pinterest addict. I pin all the time, clothes, skinny people, food, baby things, and my favorite: quotes.

I was reskimming my pinterest boards the other day and ran across this beauty.

Now I am fully aware that Miss Carrie may or may not have said this. Lets just pretend the internet is not a weird, untrustworthy place and pretend she did.

I know she is thin, and pretty and has an endless closet. But its the way she dresses, that strikes this quote so true. In the show, she dresses how she wants when she wants. She could be extremely over dressed or look slightly homeless and yet everyone seems to go about their business because, thats Carrie, and she loves herself.  So yes. The improving me, thin or a little plump, or always watching my weight is going to no matter what I look like, try to love myself first. Because I truly believe when you love yourself, everything else in life seems to be happier. I think everyone could use more happiness right? So yes, have fun, shop, buy new clothes, or get a trendy haircut, but while your trying to fit in, only do so if you really love it, and you really love yourself while doing it.
 

end rant.

and yes I still want SJP legs and outfit, or body in the outfit.

Back again.

hello.




did you miss me?




I know I know.



I'm not even going to apologize for not being here. I had my reasons and that's that, but thanks to a good friend, I've been encouraged to try again. But this time. I'm just going to be me. Not that I wasn't before but I tended to blog about the things I thought people would want me to blog about, not that I didn't enjoy blogging about those things but they weren't really what was up.








So here's to a new start. Most likely I will not follow up on how things went or events or milestones on my child in order. I am just going to be much like the real me. All over the place. So....










All aboard the hot mess express. WHOOT WHOOT.


                                                                Welcome back to my world.












Let me try to recap a little.








Tripp is now 21 months? (yes I had to count.) I usually just say he will be 2 in September.








I left my job in November, and just cut hair 2 days week.








Adjusting to staying at home has reopened some old personal wounds of mine but I am slowly working through them, although I would rather cover them up, talking about them has helped in more ways than one.








Farmer and I are still married, and doing the married thing yet adjusting still to me being home.










Staying at home is a great blessing though I struggle to see that sometimes.
I miss being social during the week, but I love and cherish my time with my little one.










Tripp is a hoot. I laugh all the time at him. Farmer is way more fun with him too now that's he's a little older.










I tried to garden, the best thing I have grown is radishes and grass. My tomatoes are still up to debate and my beans and cantaloupe seeds got mixed so that's a hot mess. I am on my second round of peppers and cucumbers because the first ones just plain didn't grow and the new ones aren't looking so hot. (pepper pun intended)  but that grass.... o ya I nailed it!








I've watched over the past year or so, loved ones: get married, get pregnant, try to make babies, fall in love, become bitter, lose contact, get skinny, gain weight, start dating, become jealous, become even more fake, become distant, and reconnect. Basically this past year has been a whirlwind of emotions and I am going to blame age and the natural process in which growing up has become.










A few weekends ago I took a long journey by myself, as Farmer was stuck at home working, and my mom and Farmer watched the little,  to celebrate a good friend's wedding. I had plenty of time to do some thinking and lot of great catch up conversations that led to a good conclusion.


People change and grow, and that's ok.


Its ok to not agree with everyone and everything. Its ok to be a little different.


But most importantly, hence the blogging again. I was told I am honest, and I appreciated that.


Being honest means to have honest people in you life too. I want to be real, honest, and up front about all my life experiences, and share them with people, because even though we don't think it or want to admit it, most likely your loved ones or those who you care for, are going through, have been through, or know exactly what your talking about.




Why do we have to have this picture in our heads ( I think small towns make it worse) that we have to be The Brady Bunch, or The Walton's, or The Cleaver's. We may strive for that but instead we've become The Stepford Wives, in having to know everyone and everything that's going on. I am not saying from here on out I am going to 180 it and be different, because yes I enjoy local conversations, and shopping and fashion and fun things but I am just saying I am going to strive to still do the things  I enjoy, the way I want to.



So here I am.


Same me just more real. Raw and honest.


Thank you dear friends for opening my mind to writing again. I've missed it.